I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
