doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
