Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
