dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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