he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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