Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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