rhymes with "ouble enetration"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
