fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
