At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
