Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
