she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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