I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
