I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
