Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
