can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
