HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
