shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
