You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
