well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
