Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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