ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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