Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
