burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
