I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
