you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
