the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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