I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
