oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
