walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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