Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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