Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
