yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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