You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
