Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
