Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
