call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
