i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
