i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
