NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
