they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
