It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
