even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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