I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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