I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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