I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
