I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
