I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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