I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
