My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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