At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
