i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
