life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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