im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
