i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
