Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
