just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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