I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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