the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
