woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
