don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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