After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
