you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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