hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
